amazingly i think pretty much everything is done. i must be forgetting something.

its been so much fun. i thrive off these last minute deadline sort of things. even though it stresses me out and i go crazy and dont sleep much, its alot of fun. im enjoying myself.

i got off work early and went to the church and printed and cut and copied stuff...im even loving that. i hurt my shoulder but i think its ok, still having a good time.
went up to the hall and started setting up the stands while all the techinical people ran round doing technical things. that looked fun.
chris and i went and got pizza. he dialed the number and handed me the phone and said "order pizza. enough to feed everyone". "ok" i said. and i ordered away. we got pizza and fizzy drinks and chatted about tech stuff and sick people and people who didnt support the refugee issue.
we ate pizza, everyone ate some pizza. we all had to have a break. tech man chris direct intructions.
and then i finished up and kara picked me up.
i was feeling rather sleepy, but off we went to nicks farewell party. there wasnt much farewelling, a little argueing and maddness, a little sitting and feeling cold on my part. and then we left.
we drove the boys to some party nearby and went to sarahs new house. its big. we sat and felt sleepy and talked about luck.
we came home.
there are a number of 14 year old boys scattered in my lounge room.

now i feel like i have completed my day by ending it with blogging.

everyone is home at my house today. im not sure why, i think barbs is sick and james seems to be reading which probably means he is also sick.
i think i have half worked out what i want to do next year, but it may change next week.

I cant sleep.
I'm thinking nothing is black and white.
I was talking to karas family tonight about a friend of ours who is going to gaol. They all seemed very convinced he should suffer and be punished and spend lots of time in jail.
I understand where they are coming from, he did get involved in something stupid and he did break the law, but there are so much other stuff that means I'm not thinking like that, doesn't change the fact that what he did was illegal and wrong and not very nice.
knowing people who don't do nice stuff is wired. It challenges the way I think about stuff like that, cause it isn't all just black and white. People have stories, people are people.
I do understand that all these people who are really messed up and get involved in stupid bad things cant be excused from going to goal. I will be really sad if he does go in, I don't see how it is going to better his behavior. Then again is goal supposed to do that? I guess they put fancy words like deterrence on it so it does sound like it achieves something. From this perpsective right now, I see a group of messed up people who break the law, all spending lots of time together...I'm not sure what that leads to, maybe they are all supposed to go through some sort of healing process together.
I don't see my friend coming out of goal a stable law abiding citizen, though I may be wrong...I hope I'm wrong.

i was trying to change colours on my blog before...looking a little ugly but i gave up for now. pretty proud though, i didnt break anything.

i'm excited about the concert. it is going to be fun. and its very cool to see lots of people get together all doing their thing to support an issue. even if its all a big pile of dodge, its cool that it happened, its cool that people cared enough to be involved and its cool that people are doing and thinking about refugees, even if it is just the performers. 9 year olds are using their talents to make an impact (excuse the pun). i dont think i care what they do on stage, im inspired. teenagers are getting excited and passionate and are telling their friends about refugees and wanting to do something. thats really cool.
now i know christian creative artz has a tendancy to be extremly dodgy, vibey, cheesy...etc etc...but i still have faith in it, i still think it can do some good. its a bit good when people of all ages have the oppurtunity to get involved and educated and do something positive. its not like drama at school or youth theatre...there is a difference, cause the focus is totally not on the indivdual performer or performance, its about what and who it is for.
and there is the quality issue. dispite popular belief. there are large amounts of talents christian performers, and they do good stuff. but then there is still the content issue. and thats getting alot better. its all a process. and at least we are aware of it and are considering the audience, thats always important. its good not to just prance around on stage cause u think its fun, unless that is entertaining.

I slept, I made phone calls, I emailed, I ate, and I rehearsed. And I am not stressed. No no No, no stress for me. Calm and cool as a cucumber.

kara is the bomb, she took me out for ice cream and sorted out my shifts for the week so i got some time off and she hung out with me and watched 2 weeks notice tonight. good on her

work was good today. there is a lovely group of ladies that always come in on a tuesday lunch. they always order lots of stupid coffees right when im finishing though, but apart from that they are lovely. but seriously, who orders a late in a mug? i like how ive got to know all these regulars. i think ill miss that part of my job if i ever leave. there are a number of fun customers, generally always someone interesting there. like today there was this old man who was celebrating his 91st birthday with his daughter, that was sweet.
a new girl is starting tomorrow night. maybe she will do some of my shifts.

im going to sleep in tomorrow, and im darn excited. i dont think i have to do anything till 5:45 tomorrow, that could almost count as a day off. good stuff.

i dont think ill ever be professional.

a) i sent a whole lot of emails out to organisations asking them to send me brochures and stuff on their work with refugees and dint keep a very good record of who i sent them to...which means i have all these people emailling me and asking me questions and i have no idea what organisation some of them are from or what their organisation does. ooops.

b) and generally i have had some silly conversations that probably should/could have been professional.

professional shemfessional.

Kara got a new job today. Its a really good job, not just another crappy job, but a job job, like a career sort of job job, and I'm really happy for her...But 2 main things spring to mind...Oh dear that's a lot more shifts ill be doing and oh dear what the hell am I doing?
I shouldn't be thinking these things because its a great thing for her.

but what the hell am I doing? I cannot commit to anything I want to do next year. I don't even know anymore what i want to do, so there is nothing there to commit to. I do not want to work in the pub or any other crappy job forever. Money sucks. No more than sucks, it really really pisses me off. It makes people go stupid and its necessary to have money to live which means you have to obtain it somehow which generally means working. And that sucks. Not that I mind working, just the work I tend to want to do often tends to have no pay.
I have no concluding thought on this matter. bler

tiredness has overcome me.

after i finished work, kara and sarah appeared and said "c'mon jo, your coming to see a movie." i was not in the mood to go really, but i was not in the mood to say no, so i got in the car.

when your stupidly tired, really stupid things are just funny.
we saw intolarably cruelty. i dont know what i think of it, but i laughed alot at one bit. it turned into a bit of a fit. rather embarassing. i felt like one of those annoying younger girls who laugh way to much and everyone gets annoyed at.
but this fit of laughter made sarah laugh which made kara laugh and then sarah snorted so alot of our section of the cinema joined our laughter aswell.
it was so stupid. we laughed alot in the car aswell, it was just one of those nights.

ive lost the plot today. not only daylight savings, just everything. in jam this morning, we split up in to small groups and tom asked me what we were suposed to be doing in small groups. i said, "i dunno". oh dear. bit of a shocker on the planning side, but it wasnt that bad overall.
i think that very soon everyone is going to get sick of talking and hearing about refugees. i would if id heard me crap on so much.

my boss put me on shifts i asked to have off for the concert next week. so i pointed it out, and she changed them. she thought it was only far, since i was having "all that time OFF" i should work every other shift. i finally spoke up. i told her that there was no way i could handle it all. i told her how busy i was and that i knew it was seperate to work here but i just simpyl couldnt do it all and right now, doing those shifts were the thing i would have to cut back on. she got a little mad. but then she sort of understood and is going to work something out. shes a good woman. she just needs more staff.

anyone want a job???

for a couple of days a few weeks ago, i decided i was going to think really carefully about what i wrote on my blog...well thats gone to the dogs. these days anything and everything just flows out, not just on my blog, out of my mouth aswell. maybe i need some sleep in order to be able to re-locate my brain.

i feel like i have had about 20 days in just 2. so ill seperate them...

creche this morning....man those kids are sooo bloody cute. this one girl, who is about 4 i think, told me that she was going to die just after hi-5 finished...she was so convienced, it was kind of disturbing. apparently she was off to fight in the war tomorrow, she told me that the war was about nothing but she was going to die. very interesting the things kids say, you wonder what they have heard.

youth group..... my drama team presented the refugee issue in a forum tonight at their youth group. im so proud. they just did so well. i talked to much. but the night was good. i reckon people thought about refugees, and i hope people were challenged to see other perspectives. even if the night sucked, the process of getting them to that point was more worthwhile than i could ever put into words. they have grown up so much, they are growing so much and i love just watching them and hearing them discover all this stuff for the first time and get so excited and passionate. its such a beautiful thing. i feel so privlidged and thankful that i could witness such a thing. i feel inspired but bloody tired. and i think, finally, an effective and powerful way of transfering and presenting things that we do in drama to their youth group has been discovered. it works. of course i think that with some more time that we could do it a bit differently but the idea is cool. groups of youth go and look at an issue and explore it using their talents and interests and can share about it. i like. youth teaching youth. you could even get rid of talks! and it wouldnt be vibey, itd be practival and relevent cause they would be in control of it. thats my speil for the evening.

being sociable.... i dont know what to say about this party. it should have been good to see everyone and catch up, and i guess it was, but most of the time i just felt really detached. i guess we have all sort of grown in different directions. its a sort of obvious thing that you would expect to happen. its not easily accepted though. i just think that theres alot of getting to know the same people again to be doing, cause you cant be friends with someone who isnt the person you think they are.
but in the same respect, when tara, matt, kara and i were leaving, we did have a fantastic time. not cause we were leaving, just cause we went all silly and laughed it all off. laughing is good.

what i think i worked out that that person who was saying i broke all the rules meant, was that i dont go along with general social rules. which is ok. i dont mind that. i was feeling a little bit like people saw me as some crazy women who went around breaking the law and doing naughty bad stuff. so its ok now. ill just forget that train of thought.

work - ok, average
drama - good, feeling stressed, but they r doing really well
dinner with kara and reagen - good, strange. helped move furniture in reagens mums house. ate vegatarian nachos - yum they were really good, tomato and eggplant and other yummy such things.
refugee meeting - intense, but good. ben thurley came and phin. good stuff. big stuff. little overwheming.
chat with helen - good, as always. it was my turn to stay up late with helen, shes a good chap. shes gonna get a blog soon

barbs is asleep, i wanna wake her up and find out how her date was.

leaving comments on ryans blog just then, i managed to leave 5 instead of 1. i just had one thing to say, and i thought it didnt work so i added some and clicked it again, and then i realised and went to sday "bugger" and somehow it came up 3 times. not good. i always manage to do stupid things like that.

howie is sick, the whole french house has been sick or is sick. im feeling a little dodgy. oh dear. i hope not.

im not going on a search for rules i comly to anymore. ive decided that i dont like the way thats sounding. if i am an anacrist, whichb i dont think i am, i will continue to do so without discussion or analysing on my blog.

i was suposed to pick up may pay this morning, and i was suposed to meet sal in epping, and i was suposed to plan some drama...it all went to the dogs. i had lunch in the foodcourt, and had a suprisingly good unplanned drama session

drama group really got into it today, which is good, since concert is very soon. they r running a forum on refugees in their youth group on friday. gotta do some planning and organising, but theyll do good. they r all reading up heaps on refugees and getting passionate. im proud.

and i dont murder people, theres a rule i obide by

I had a huge list of things I wanted to blog about, but now I'm feeling tired and a bit mangled.

I don't think a childs innocence should ever be forgotten. I think it should be treasured and not wasted. Children should be treated and spoken to like children for as long as possible. Children should slowly grow and explore and gain knowledge and understanding of the world in their own time, not be forced into it by adult situations. I don't expect a fairy tale, but some middle ground should be found.
I was watching oprah at work one afternoon and they were talking about how much parents should inform their children on financial problems. Turned out the kids they interviewed, were much less stressed out when their parents were honest with them that money problems existed. And I reckon, goodo, be honest, explain why things are tight and things are tense, but the emphasis was on the balance. The balance between reliving worry or creating worry for their children.
I saw at man and his son having dinner at the pub tonight and they were talking. It just didn't look like either of them were having a good time at all. They were talking about very serious matters, from what I heard as I put down and picked up plates it was all about world politics and smart people and money and success... What happened to school and sports and friends and video games and bikes and fun stuff that 11 year olds should be concerned with?
I almost feel like their should be more distance between parents and children, or maybe just re-defining the relationship. To be honest, maybe I look at parents like that and just think that they need to be more self-less, more of a parent than out for his or her benefit or advancement.

it was put to me tonight that i was an anarcist, or to be not so harsh, someone that broke the rules. im not sure i like the implications of that. i cant think of anything in my defense that would be truthful, so im not going to bother. but i am going to think about this, because im sure there is some set of rules out there i comply to.

This is not an anti boy post by any means, but oh my goodness was drama so much more efficient and quieter without boys. We got through lots of stuff. They got excited. We planned and dreamed and organized.
I am not feeling on top of anything right now, but I'm not stressed this week. Last Sunday I was a little bit of a mess, feeling rather overwhelmed. But this week, I'm just relaxed. I know somehow, all the things that should be done will get done. I'm not going to drop dead with exhaustion, its all going to come together just the way it should, and I don't need to worry.

sal and i had a little catch up session this arvo. i think sals a great chap. i love thta we have differing opinions on stuff, and that we have similar opinions on other stuff too.

the thing about growing and learning is that eventually you have to be brave and put it into practise in situations where its not so easy. otherwise there is not much point to the whole process. mayswell just not bother, you could just sleep and watch tv and eat chocolate for the rest of your life.

i think blogs are a bit of a self indulgent thing. i dont reckon my blog is doing any one else any good but myself. winging about my work, and crapping on about what im doing and my silly thoughts...hardly going to erridicate third world debt, (now theres a line from a stanton play). de-breifing, and having a crap output is good. and the fact that people read them and you can read others is all a bit of fun. but its a personal thing, so i guess it is self indulgent. maybe not. maybe its just good and no one should define it. good, its good.

defining stuff can also be good. over analysising is not.

i like things that are just good, screw all the other words, being simple and good is good.

sarahs back. yay. i dont have to work a hundred thousand shifts this week.

im at home. yay. i can relax a bit, watch a movie and go to sleep earlyish.

yay. we got a speaker for the concert. i wont stress so much.

tomorrow we are back at jam. yay. good times.

and yay for blogs, and yay for people who have blogs, and yay for people who dont.

I always get myself in those dodgy conversations that its just very inappropriate for me to be in.

and yay for mangos. yummy

Last night we went out! For the first time in months. As we were driving home the sun was rising. Beautiful. I'm sleepy now, but I reckon it was worth it.
my legs hurt from dancing so much.
hey Mickey was on. haha
good stuff.
Kara and sonya met some american men. They were nice. I was silly and practised my american accent at them while they practised their australian. It was very funny. I think they thought me an absolute goose.
and we met brave Luke. When we were sitting in the cocktail lounge he just wandered up and told us he was feeling brave and introduced himself. He got braver as the night continued. Kara wasn't interested, and sonya and I have boyfriends, so he figured all this out and he eventually went home.
also bumped into my old boss from pizza hut. Now he's a funny man. I think he was very drunk. I was always a bit scared going into pizza hut cause I didn't really leave on the best of terms, or the right way, but he was dancing with us to hey Mickey and all these other silly songs. Absolute funny bugger. I wont be worried at all anymore.

i dont know how to sum up yesterday. i thought i was fired, i thought i quit, i thought i was wasnt leaving, i thought i quit, i thought i was fired...and now, i dont know. my boss left us this lovely little note saying that - "there will be no time off till christmas unless not rostered on"...well well well, i had just a few minor problems with that. namely that i needed the weekend of the breakthru artz conert off, and i had planned to go away for a week at the end of november, all which we had told her about months ago. she needs mroe staff. but she said if i decided to go on this holiday then i could just say goodbye and not come back. i saw a good oppurtunity to get out of there...so i said, "im sorry maria, i dont want to screw you around, but im, going on that holiday". i thought she was going to explode, her face went all shades of red, almost blue, "well at least i know where we stand then" she said.
kara and i left to go get lunch, and when we came back, she was all friendly again and we chatted about how working there wasnt really fitting in with everything else i did, and we were back on good terms. but now i dont know whats going on, shes talking about shifts she is going to put me on in the future, in the same sentance as the adds she put in the paper to replace me...so i got no idea. ill just wait and see who responds to this add shes got, otherwise ill just leave when i go on holidays i guess.
all very wierd.

we drove to loftus. and drove back. all in all, one of those enjoyable, slightly absurd adventures.

im having huge doubts to wether or not my drama group will actually have something for the concert, let alone for youth group next week. at least one person cannot make any suggested rehersal time. poo

i slept in too much. which is bad because all the things i had to do today dont fit anymore. but its good becuase id been looking forward to a sleep in so much for what seems like so long, just didnt mean to sleep so much.
my dad just called me too. we might be getting cable internet, and, more importantly, an upgrade. which is lucky cause i reckon, one day soon, my computer will die completly, not just for a few seconds, but completly.
he also said that today would have been my mothers and his 20th wedding anniversery. thats a little odd to consider. a little sad too, not from my perspective but if i was one of them, id be sad, they could have had a 20year anniversery today. it doesnt really make me sad. im sad for my parents, which is a new development, but generally, my parents divorce does not make me sad, or angry or many negative emotions. its just one of those things that happened. i think both my parents are a lot happier because of it, and thats good. its kind of one of those things that you think ' oh isnt that sad ', but accept as something that happens. thats not too good, i dont think divorce should be accepted as something that 'just happens', but the truth is it does. in a way i think its a good thing, you dont have that oblidged by society thing going on that kept people in bad marridges out of fear of social rejection. but because its accepted as something that does 'just happen', it gives people huge amounts of space to just throw it in and change their minds instaniously. and thats no good. i would very much not like to get divorced if at all possible.

howie and I are not good with phone bills.
whoever allowed us to have mobiles and be together are bloody idiots.
between us right now, we owe roughly $700 to phone companies.
stupid. not good at all. bum. argh.

how posh is new webstat? very posh indeed

i was a little worried about going into work today because i had a few issues getting along with my boss the other day, but it was fine. more than fine. i didnt do much work, i spent alot of the time eating, which is probably why it was such an enjoyable day. it really suprised me though...in the middle of my shift he rang the bell just to ask me what i wanted to eat. and he made it straight away and told me to sit down and eat it. i almost pointed out that i was suposed to be working, but i was enjoying the new found peaceful alliance too much, so i ate my food and chatted to my boss about almost respectable things.

i feel almost organised. i have lists. i have folders. i have more lists. i have lots of paper. and more lists. i think i was even productive today. in between shifts i made lists and a couple of phone calls. only 2 out of 6 i actaully got a hold of but still. some progress has been made i think.
speaking of phone calls, i think i have developed a fear of making them. maybe its just because i dont know the people, but that never would have scared me before. thats why emails are good. yeas, yeas, i would also like to say that emails are tops.

on one hand i keep feeling really bad for feeling like crap cause i feel like im complaining, but on the other hand i do feel like crap and i would like to just go "bler!". everyone else does lots of stuff and manages. i should be able to aswell. so i should shut up and stop complaining. il be right. 3 weeks till the concert, then stuff will calm down a bit.

i was suposed to be at the 8am service this morning to do an annoucnement. i slept thru the 8am, and a fair way into the 10am. ooops.

i had a meeting with tom at the pub today. it was cool. i was so impressed with the venue i rang helen and moved our meeting for tomorrow to the pub also.
tom and my meetings always include far more talking about non-jam things then actual jam planning. its always a pleasure, and i nice change of atmosphere

wednesday night, jive express at the basement. was good. i like the basement. it was my first time there. i did also notice the rather large proportion of christians in the room. i tried very hard to shut my eyes and enjoy the music beofre jive express. i need to sort out my issues with certian places and people.
wednesday night i also left my phone at the french house. this caused much commotion. i worry about how attached i am to my phone. the following 24 hours without my phone were a complete mess. although im pleased to report, my phone and i have been happily reconciled.
thursday day i worked. then went to do a market research in waitara. then while i was there they asked me to do another one, so i did. i got $90 for less than an hours worth of answering stupid questions. i was pleased. i caught a train to hornsby, explored and spent at westfield.
i was treated to an evening at the house of chan on thursday night aswell. that was exciting. i also got to meet mark. which was funny. i feel a little sorry for poor mark. he is talked about so much. i dont think he knows the meaning he has in so many peoples lives. i think he would be a bit scared if he found out.

had some quality kara time tonight. we ate lots of italian, as we do. thats 2 nights this week ive been out to dinner. not including maccas. cause thats almost like my second dining room. not that i eat very much in my own.
but dinner was good. we made friends with the waitress. i always feel sorry for other waitresses. like the girl from 'house of chan' last night.
we had good disscussing. a lot about familys.
we listened to 'So Fresh, hits of spring 2001' in the car. we danced and sung and remembered the good old days.

phew, what a day. a lovely day. an enjoyable day. a pleasent day. there were no dramaa apart from a man being convienced his veal was not veal and getting rather upset. but that was just sorta funny. so no dramas at all really.
as soon as i am all decided im going to quit and walk out of that place...i have a good day. i cant stay there forever anyway. its an ok job, but im not going to be a waitress for the rest of my life (please no please no please no).

someones been dogging my internet. My dad reckons that they must have done some hacking and got our password. But I reckon someone could have been coming into my house and using my computer. How cool. The night before last I fell asleep in the lounge room, next to the phone. At 1130 howie called my house and someone answered and said I was asleep. I didn't answer the phone, and no one else was home. How strange is that? So my conclusion is that the person who was using my internet is the same person that answered the phone the other night. I have a secret friend.
probably not the case. But its sort of cool to think that. A little scary also.

time to comment on james blog. havent done that in a while, its always fun. even though i like to disagree with him, james is great, a top bloke.
the money thing at blackstump. i didnt feel that pressured by it at all. maybe ive just become imune to it growing up in pentecostal churches. i actually thought it was really good having a focus on humantitarian issues. i didnt think it was all "give give give", i heard a bit of encouragment to go "do" something in there too. i just felt it was refreshing to hear other passionate people get passionate about stuff that matters. i really love being around people who take an interest in the world and want to do something to change some or any of these horrible situations. i would love to spend all my time with people like that.

wow we all talked about blackstump alot. enough from me.

friday highlights...
was sleepy, had been up way too late copying flyers and doing other prep stuff going to hornsby the night before, but all the same excitment was in the air. we got maccas on the way. i got a pink contibuter tag thingy. we did our first show which was fun, all the hornsby gang were in the front row and tinku said hello to me in the middle of a drama, that was funny. went to free for all, enjoyed myself. went to bed a little too late.
saturday highlights...was still sleepy. had a horrible nights sleep. too cold, way too cold. main meeting. howie did the stumpers prayer thing, everyone around me turned to me and went "thats your boyfriend, thats your boyfriend!" was very funny. went to a bible study and made a friend with this man called alan, we talked about refugees. actually the alot of the bible study was about refugees which was interesting. saw a little of stump. got ready for our shows. did 2 shows. TOOBSC was funny that night, i was very over tired but trying very hard to make an effort in the dramas, but in one of them i have a spiel about refugees from the audience, and i sort of started waffling and ventured a little away from my lines and instead of saying something articulate i just said "treat them like absolute crap". which is ok, i laughed. after show, went to jive express, was too loud, walked around with howie, went to bed too late.
sunday highlights...incredibly buggered by this stage. tried to sleep in as much as possible, didnt work. had a shower and entertained the crowd waiting in line with sing-a-longs and limericks with sal and nic. got ready for our last show. went well, tech stuff was smooth, cheers all round. caught up with jamie. got another tag thingy. went to comedy debate which i must say i thought suckd a bit. probably cause i dont get alot of jokes with they r all about different churches and christians, but i did laugh in some spots. went to main meeting, felt a little squashed due to large proportions of people everywhere. enjoyed the meeting though, chatted through alot of it whiuch was good. ate dinner, was silly, went to free for all again, went to hippies, danced, almost fell asleep against the sound desk. went to bed.
sunday...got up and packed. felt like i was drunk. went to final meeting. which i thought was the best out the the 3. silly some more, went home. maccas on the way back.

i had such a good weekend. i love stump. so tired, but i love stump.

i feel i need to debrief a bit, so il start it in headings...

ARTS, CHRISTIAN ARTS GENERALLY
blackstump has made me really dislike christian arts. i always thought it was dodgy, but now i almost hate it. which all sounds a bit absurd because im in christian arts. but i think thats the reason im in christian arts, maybe. i just really think artists need to find a balence between artistic expression and accessabililty. or just not do it at all. maybe christian artists just need to work out why they are being christian artists. cause if your focus as a christian artist to have an effect on people then pretty much anything you do turns people off. if your too vibey people just notice there was vibe and dont see any artistic meaning, but if your too obvious and spell everything out and just philosiphise on stage, then you just look stupid, you make your audience feel stupid, and nothings really been achieved. i do think arts has a place in any society. it has the potential to effect people on a level that is unreachable by other forms of communicating. but then if your being a christian artist just to be arty, then your just an artist and if no one gets you then its ok. but people expect some sort of message or communicating to come out of christian arts, which is unfortunate. thats why lots of people dont get dance. i may not get dance, im not sure, but i my theory is that dance is full of images, and its not really about a words or explanations, its just images and feelings, maybe, that sounded very very vibey.
i do need to defend arts, ummm, they are good. when they are acsessable. i would love to put on a show that still cant be a little christian but be approached the same way as a secuala show. without the christian pretences.
another problem with christian arts is that they are in a christian enviroment, all their feedback is from other christians, and christians are generally way too nice to give decent criticism. so christian artists can go on sucking for years and years thinking they are spectacular.

BREAKTHRU ARTZ
we did 4 shows, which was a bit too much. everyone was generally buggered.
with TOOBSC, most of the feedback i got was that the film was great, could have done with less of the dance and drama. and thats ok, i agree in some ways. i think we could have cut out heaps and heaps of the stuff in between. even though the film couldve survived and prospered well without the bits on between, i would want something there still. we are progressing, i think TOOBSC was the most pro show we have done so far. i was proud of breakthru. and its effect was more in the process then the product. the product was good. the process was gooder.
and hands and trains. that was the vibier show. unboxed was in it, along with alot of helens major work. i dont think blackstump was the ideal performance space. we got good feedback. i like the drama in show, i am much more happier doing in than the TOOBSC drama.
and to continue on from a few conversations i had at stump...i dont hate my work, i did feel a little nervous and uncomfortable putting some of it out there over the weekend, because i was very concious of the whole "dodgy christian arts" escapade. i dont want to be a dodgy christian artist. unboxed isnt that dodgy, the drama by itself is, but it works as a colabrative piece. the dance i love. i think the drama makes it acsessable and the dance makes the drama less philosiphying on stage. i want to do another piece, i havent lost all confidence for putting stuff on stage, maybe a bit, but not all, and the bit i have has been with good reason.
DRAMA
why christian drama generally sucks is because its so often used as sermon illistrations. sermon illistrations not in a church, i dont think work that well. but what do you do? have a longer play with developed characters and an actual story, or just little skits that dont require that much skill or rehersal time and that fit into a show full of dance? i like that we colaborate. i think that fixes some of the problems. its all about the intentions but. we can get so excited but raising an issue that we forget to check for quality. im being very negative. but i do love being involved in christian arts, and it was good to see that we are becoming more acessable and less dodgy.

the good thing about blogs is that i dont think about my audience, its not a performance or a creative piece, its just a crap output.

i got home to an empty house, apart from my dog, who had left a present in the doorway to my room. how nice of him. "welcome home jo, i crapped in your doorway for you".
everythings the way i left it. which is unfortunate cause i left it in a mess which means il have to clean it up a bit before barbs gets home tomorrow.

top 10 for blackstump...

10 - leaking tent, rather amsusing, although chilly
9 - macdonalds on the way and the way home
8 - making "tom time" an everyone affair
7 - krispy kreme dounuts. yum.
6 - free for all. i didnt participate but it still makes the list
5 - my daggy christian beanie, my first piece of christian clothing apart from breakthru arz t-shirts.
4 - the whole breakthru gang
3 - walks
2 - poems and singing in the shower block with sal and nic
1 - outback hippies and dancing

the day we go to blackstump has finally arrived. few. yet everything is not quite done yet.
though it should be a good weekend, if not a little wet, a little busy, and a little tiring.

i think im not going as insane as i was last night, that will probably change in the morning, but for now, im goign to enjoy my sanity, watch a dvd and go to sleep.