i dont think il do the new years resolutions...and if i do, ill keep them secret, more chance of me achieving them.
na thats probably not true, im not one to keep to goals and resolution type thingys.
but i can tell you that i probably wont get fit or stop eating maccas or anything like that.

new years eve

what a champ of a night. i would say my favourite new years eve ever in the city. what a top location, though i dont want to say that cause im scared more people would go there, but shh it was tops. great company. all in all fun times.
i love fireworks.
i love running around hugging everyone saying "happy new year" its the best.

robert just told me i was dumped like an 11pm rod.

my comments are gone.
aw
how good are beach days? i mostly love the beach on beach days. sand is a bit of a bother, and lots of people everywhere can be too, but mostly, its tops.

i love how lots of outings these days are completed by a trip to maccas. its great.

Dear Joanna

Congratulations on your successful application, you have been offered your first preference.

blah blah blah

love from TAFE NSW



yay im going to tafe.

my new bible has an extra bit in it.
it would be a much more exciting story if it was a different extra bit thats not normally in a bible, but its just a some more ecclesiastes in the middle of isiah.

this post will contain reminiscing about Romania and other such things from year ago...

I was thinking, it was exactly a year ago that I was in Romania.
last night when I was at taras birthday party, it was exactly a year ago since I was standing at the train station in Vienna crying on the phone saying happy birthday.
it was a year ago on boxing day I last saw Chris Wright.
it was a year ago I met cristina and Andrew and Mary.
it was a year ago marius first grabbed our hands and walked us around the orphanage.
it was a year ago we ate salami and cheese sandwichs for breakfast and dinner.
it was a year ago we sung to ema

I could go on forever. kaye and I had a good reminisce this morning after the service, and Helen and I did a bit too. Its really bizarre, that's the only word I can think of. All these people and things that effected me so much are a whole year ago now. Not that nothing significant has happened since then, but that was sort of the start of it all. Gods a good bloke, He has such intricate plans that you cant understand or piece together yourself, it just all happens and you can just look back and be thankful.

my work at the pub is over. thats spectacular.
maria gave me a hug, and the boys bought me a drink. their kids said goodbye aswell. i felt like iw as getting on a ship to sail away from middle earth.
one of my favourite customers came in tonight, my lady with the decaf latte in a mug. shes awesome. and we got $7.50 each in tips tonight! a far better effort then our usual dollar.
so its over.
no more.

goodie.

last shift at the pub tomorrow! yay yay yay

christmas is now offically over for another year. if i am going to be consistant i should reocunt today to complete the christmas acount...
today we went to my dads house for his side of the familys christmas lunch. i got there late cause i slept in. i couldnt really get myself together enough to make myself rush. luckily enough for me, i am a kemp, so by the time i got down there, everyone else had just arrived aswell. i caught up with my cousin. we are really close in age but i dont remember being close with her as we were growing up. we still have strange 'i dont really know you' sort of conversations like "what sort of music are you into" and the like. but shes a cool girl. we are similar people. its funny when you realise you are like your family. i had good chats with my aunty also, and mucked around with my other littlier cousins.
we ate just before i left to go to work. which meant i missed out on present opening. that was a little sad. its a big part of the day. all the little people get excited and everyone runs around and ooohs and ahhhs as people open their presents. oh well.
im definatly over roast turkey and ham and pork for another year.

i have now done my viewing duty of lord of the rings. all 3 in one week. finished now, goodo. they are beautiful films, dont really float my boat personally, they dont sink it either, but yeah.
tonights highlight was the making of the big lint ball on the carpet in front of the screen.
i love going into the city to see the opening of movies, even though both the matrix and LOTR werent personal favourites, it was all about the experience, and i liked the experience.

to complete the christmas recount...i had dinner at my dads. something was going on with the food, so it wasnt ready till 9:45, but that happens. id told them i wasnt hungry, so i had some roast vegies and tom picked me up. i was very tired, it probably would have been about time to go home and sleep, but im glad i went, a good way to complete the day.
we drove around mt colah and looked at lights. there was many houses and sometimes streets between each light up house. it was late, so alot of them were turned off. i think we did get a sufficent dose of christmas lightage though, enough to satisfy us anyway.
then it was home. tom was kind enough to drop me back to belrose, and david came too. tiredness had taken form, and my conversational skills were being effected.
all the same, i would say a good christmas. i think i was a bit negative, but really, i shouldnt be, it was good.
i got a box set of audrey dvds! and a watch, and a bible, and socks. and lunch and dinner were generally enjyoable experiences.

i cannot remember any christmas gone by with good detail...ive got bits and pieces, but havent got a clue where i had lunch last year.
so this year, i will record.
i went to church this morning with my mum. it was nice. only time in the year you'll see me and my mum at the same church. and the fact i went to her church last night made it special, we met each other in the middle but going to each others.
louise, helen and i did the bible reading to jurrasic park music.
i went and dropped in on kara, and then home to prepare.
i didnt do much preparing, i felt sick, so i fell asleep for 40mins until my brother came in and informed me my family was here and "it would be nice if id get my arse out of bed". i got up, eventually and greeted the fam.
my mums family today, her brother and his family, and my nanna. my one cousin on my mums side, shes funny. she annoys james all day.
we sat around feeling hot, and then ate. wasnt long till we were all very full. then we sat and felt hot again. opened presents and sat and felt hot. i fell asleep again, until my brother woke me to tell me that the dog had a big tick. we pulled out the big tick.
then my mums cousins who we havent seen in over 10years or something dropped in. that was wierd. there were 3 younger ones, so we all sat and observed the reunion between the oldies, all 5 of them. i have such a big family.
people departed back to their various regions around sydney and beyond, and i resisted the temptation to have another nap and had a shower instead.
to complete christmas duties, im off to my dads for dinner. just dad, lisa, me and james. i hope they dont feed me too much, im too full to eat but i fear im too weak to say no.

offically, id like to say, have an absolutly grand christmas.

i have also failed misrably in the christmas card department...merry christmas everyone.
and i also agree that there is nostalgic feelings at christmas time. ive spent ages thinking and talking about christmas's gone by. it makes me smile.
ive gone to 2 our of the 4 christmas services im going to so far. the st stephans one was simply beautiful. it made me all mushy and teary. so cute. little kids aw. they hadnt rehersed very much but i reckon it added to the cute factor. the one at my mums church was alright. i suddenly remembered i was sleepy and tried very hard not to nod off. ive discovered my brother has developed a bit of a cynical view on mums church. i have to be careful of what i say. poor mum. nanna doesnt like her church either. so mum was the only one out of the 4 of us thought it was good. it wasnt that bad. its christmas - everything is great.
im off to my favourite service now, the 11pm one. i only discoverd this service last year. pente churches dont do them as far as i know. God bless the anglican church and all the cute traditional fun things i love.
then i should come home and finish my room before tomorrow when my nanna disowns us all.
james and i get to run between houses and families together tomorrow, that should be fun. im happy that we get to do it together.

its only dawned on my its christmas time tonight. having nanna around, and getting a few presents, and looking at christmas lights its all of the sudden gotten all festive.
i got a gary, and i got a pocket watch flicky thing, and a candle and a few boxes of chocolates... very cool.
i do like most of christmas.
mum asked james and i tonight what was the best thing we were looking forward to at christmas out of church, lunch or presents. i said church...they laughed. but i was pretty serious. i love church at christmas time. thats what makes it the most festive for me. thats not too sad i hope? lunch with family is good too. i guess the whole day comes in a package, its all mainly good most of the time, im looking forward to the lot this year.

i had a big hannah shift today, 9-4. we went swimming, hannah went up and said hello to just about everyone, she even got some seaweed biscuits off a lady. im picking up more hannah lingo and signs which is helpful, sometimes hannah gets rather cross when i dont know what shes trying to tell me.
i havent been to a public pool in ages. ive forgotten what fun.
id defiantly take hannah again
it wasnt all fantastic and easy though, i got a headache and she got a bit grumpy on the way home.

nannas come to sydney. she caught a plane yesterday...poor thing had to wait at the airport for about 2 hours cause there was a "mix up in communication" between my mother and my nanna about what day she was flying in. could have been my nanna getting old, or my mother just being my mother - either is possible.
shes a funny woman my nanna. the 3 of us (nanna, mum, me) had dinner together tonight. that was cute. the most "familyish" ive felt with people who are actually my family in while. shes cool, makes me laugh...though i wouldnt tell her that cause i dont think she would try to be funny.
shes not staying with us this time though. i was a bit bummed at first cause last time we sat up late and drank tea and she told me stories about when she was a nurse on a ship during the war, and about when she met pop, and all these other men she dated. but i think its a bit less stressful for all if she isnt here 24/7. my nanna likes to clean, she likes to talk about the differing states on cleanliness, and talk about cleaning, and clean...and mum and i being mum and i, dont really have that big a deal with our house being absolutly spotless. but she is still having an effect and shes only been in sydney just over 24 hours. we now have a big set of matching crockery (amazing, i dont think thats ever happened before in this house), we have a brand new lawnmower, and our yard is free of undesired twigs and leaves, and i have to clean my room tomorrow cause nanna keeps telling my mum she hasnt brought me up right... :( bummer.
even so, shes good value. im glad i know her.

church...good, interesting...matts farewell which is a little sad. i guess i have never had much to do with his ministry since im miss anti youth ministry, but even so, hes not going too far. hes been around ever since ive been at st stephans, so its a bit different atmosphere wise. i really love my church, i love the people, im not really close with my age group, but i love the whole gorup of people together that make up our church. i love the stuff i do there, i love being involved. nights like tonight remind me of it.

work christmas party...interesting. i just couldnt seem to have fun, i tried, but it didnt happen until the very end. it was cute though, everyone all in their christmas cheer. i like christmas cheer. we did secret santas. i got a soft toy lion...i thought it was a bit 'oh yeah' when i first opened it, but then john came up and owned up and explained. john is the lisencee of the pub, hes a good guy, he thinks "the romans had it right, christians should all be thrown to the lions", he likes to express this opinion loudly. he was telling me how when he was in the army, they used to say that there was a bullet with your name on it, and he used to make sure he had an actual bullet with his name on it kept in a safe place so that he knew he was going to be alright. he said he figured that if i had my own lion, then id be safe. i thought that was rather sweet.
apart from opening presents, everyone ate, drank and were merry.
dont fret though, i am definatly not having second thoughts about leaving the pub. this last week is going to be great. im only doing 2 shifts, suposed to be doing 4, but other people are doing them for me. its very relaxed now that im going. i asked maria if it was alright that another girl could do my christmas eve shift, and she said "well what am i going to do if it isnt? sack you?'' hehe i like that.

i dont like feeling sick. i dont like being in a poo mood and not feeling with the rest of the world. i seem to be a bit better at the moment. might be all the drugs. oh boy, i think i take to many drugs. ones from the chemist of course, but still, they arent that great for you.

other than that...i got to see howie today. i even watched some criket. cricket is far from my cup of tea. but cheese and vegimite sandwichs are good, and nothing days, i like nothing days.
then i went to work...that was as to be expected. 2 shifts left. im so excited. im trying not to loose all care factor in these last few shifts, but it would be very easy too.
after work kara and i went and had dinner at the usual place, the waitresses recognise us now. then we met up with some poeple kara knew. i had a hilarious conversation. its funny how those strange whole life conversations tend to come up with people you have never met before. either way, it was interesting. so many different people in this big world. i like people.

something feels very wrong with me. i feel really sick. i think i have an ear infection. but apart from that, those incredible headaches that make you ache all over and feel sick. yuk argh bleh

there is lots to my mum i forget. shes funny and silly, and shes a teacher - which means she teaches teenagers.
today, i found out that my mum is a good teacher, and shes a quirky teacher. she has this yr 11 class that wrote her silly poems and signed a card for her and gave her flowers cause shes leaving to start at another school next year. she showed me the card and was explaining all these 'in jokes'. im so proud, my mum has in jokes with her yr11 class! one afternoon, "in a moment of maddness", she gave them all ancient greek names. and they laughed and were silly. they signed the card in these ancient greek names. she had a girl who wasnt actually in her class, but had a free when it was on and would come and join.

i dont work for a pub, and i dont work for a church, and i dont work for the irwins as a babysitter...but i do work for centacare, and i think im going to tafe. bit of a bum if i dont get into tafe.
next year is slowely becoming clearer.

someone just quit the pub!!!

I am leaving the pub, I am going to quit. I am going to leave on good terms even of i have to force them.

I'm scared but. Maria isnt the easiest person to say no to at the best of times. I should tell her before the weekend cause she'll be less stressed. maybe tomorrow, ill go in tomorrow, after lunch and before the breakthru artz christmas party.

Tonight in hungry jacks, howie ordered his food, and then I walked upto the counter to get what I wanted, I was still deciding. I asked howie what he got and he walked off, but the lovely man behind the counter informed me of his selection, I thanked him for listening to me and he reassured me he knew what it was like. I laughed. What a fun man.

id like to add that I am participating in a mutually respectful relationship, and this post, in no way is aimed at being disrespectful...

i spent a long time in hornsby westfield today. we shopped, sarah bought clothes and christmas presents, and i got my photos developed, spilt my drink in the foodcourt, bumped into joe and handed some forms to the centacare office.
i came home, and went back to hornsby a couple of hours later. maybe i should get a second house somewhere, where i can go and have a nap in between things instead of making 50 treks to and fro...or i could get my license and then it wouldnt be such a big deal.
pub tonight, not my pub though, we went to the blue gum...the pub of fun. lots of sillyness, and of course maccas.

today - macdonalds, hungry jacks, and subway

yesterday - macdonalds, seafood shop chips, and macdonalds

saturday - kfc

friday - work food, maccas

thursday - macdonalds

wednesday - macdonalds

tuesday - macdonalds

monday - macdonalds, hungry jacks


...and worse thing is, i think there have been more eating at fast food outlets in the past week that i have forgotten...how disgusting.

There are a whole pile of things I really don't understand or know that are to do with my everyday life. Christian politics just goes straight over my head. Politics makes it sound like all the secret rules and stuff, but I don't mean it in a controversial sense, just an everyday sense - basic things that everyone presumes but that I'm just not aware of. I guess I grew up in a different church environment...That's good and bad.

helens about to pick me up to go to delles christmas party. should be fun. we all got an email yesterday saying that the dress was cocktail/smart casual...that puts a little damper on the evening. sarah tells me this means no denim, there goes half my wardrobe. im normally not what to get too excited about what im wearing, but today i will admit, there has been a significant amount of thought process dedicated to this silly cause.
after delles, straight onto the next party, claires 19th. and we just came from sarahs welcome home do. i think a wedding is also on today, and there was a church bbq. well isnt today the day for everyone to have a social gathering.

I love finishing work early, its a beautiful surprise when its not busy and one of us gets to go

customers were strange tonight. I had a lady who booked a table of ten come up to me to ask where her table was, and to inform me there were actually only 4 people. I directed them to a table of four, secretly happy there were 6 less then I expected. But then, she came back, and said 'you know how we were a table of 10, and then a table of 4, well now we are a table of 18'. I laughed and found her a table. What a goose. There wasn't 18 of them, I reckon 15 max. Customers always lie. They say 40, and theres 25, they say 2, and theres 12...You just never know.
someone else wanted to order prawns in diane sauce (?).
it brings some relieving hilarity to our workplace.

paying stuff on the internet is very cool. i am liking my mothers credit card, its my money on her card which is not as exciting as im not spending mystry money. i might have to get one of my own. just a multiacsess st george one will do though, a real credit card might not be the safest.

i paid my phone bills, last months $126, and this months $149.... (look whos getting much much better?)
and i booked my tickets

im having fun. what else can i buy or pay for? i might get my brother to give me a lesson in E-bay

interesting things always happen on my way into mona. sometimes my tounge ring comes out, and i have to stand in the doorway in front of lots of people looking like an absolute goose trying to put it back together. once i lost my ear ring, and we all pushed around the line looking for it. last night i had to slide very very slowly inside. apparently they have a new rule that you cant wear thongs. lucky for me i had my jeans that cover my feet on, but i couldnt move too fast or my nonpermittable thongs would have become apparent. i think i probably drew more attention to myself sliding slowly then i would have if id just moved extra quick, but no one noticed all the same so its ok.

my money finally came through...so i booked my flights.

no going back now....


im going to foundations.


im only half scared

i need to learn that if im not in the mood for going clubbing, i should simply not go. i cannot make myself be in the right mood, if i dont feel like going, im not going to feel like being there once i get there. and i have a bad time, i get frustrated, and bored, and tired, and sometimes angry.

tonight wasnt that bad for most of it. i ended up sitting in the corner having a big deep and meaningful with nick. so deep and meaningful we have to finish it tomorrow morning before work. i dont really think i should be getting involved, but i am, i continue to be so. its a stupid situation to be in, how are you suposed to choose which friend you are there for when they are having problems involving each other? i seem to be thinking it is possible to be there for each and not be involved. but then if there are things that have to be said, and im the one that says them, then i am involved?! so it all sucks.
hmmm jamie once wrote a song about me to do with all this...maybe i havent changed that much.

but we also all had a dance. it was very hot, and there were alot of people on the dance floor, and it stunk. my hair even went un-straight.

im being a girl tonight.
my hair is straight, and ive been drinking wine with the girls. girls are fun. i often forget what fun girls.
i am too busy these days for a life. well not so much this week, this weeks been great, not too much pub and not too much other stuff. i enjoy all the stuff i do (apart from the pub at times). but i miss my friends, at the moment everything feels really seperated, all these little worlds going on at the same time

15 unique visits for me today, which isnt generally great enough to bother posting...but on this occasion i must, as howie only got 14!!!!!!

howie is funny when hes at my house, hes out in the lounge room again performing with my brother.

I wrote a post about Christina last night and it disappeared...

well it went something like this...

I went to Christina tonight. To be honest, I wasn't expecting much apart from not much clothing and lots of young screaming girls. I was pleasantly surprised. Although there wasn't much clothing, and there were a lot of young screaming girls, she is an excellent performer and she has an awesome voice.

she seemed to be getting really excited about equality of the sexes...Only really about how differing social views on men sleeping around and women sleeping around. She sang some songs, some old, some new, some of other peoples.
I think shes cool. She does dress differently...But who cares, "be yourself, don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise!!!"
go Christina

i stayed at helens avalon house last night. it was sooo pretty. we left all the lights off so we could see the waves out the window, and sat on the couches with our sleeping bags.
we left most of the chatting for the morning, and i made pancakes. now that was a bit of an adventure all in itself.
there wasnt any butter or oil, or an egg flip... we tried it for a while without any butter, but had extreme difficulties so helen went to the shops. using butter was good. but i kept noticing this strange smell, and the oil in the pan seemed to be going this strange colour. one of the utensials we had found to use was a spatula thingy, and it was melting in the pan. so a few of the pancakes had a yummy layer of melted plastic on them. mmmmm.
after a while, we got some good pancakes, and ate and were merry.
we had good chats, amoungst other things, looked over the year, which always would seem a little daunting to me, but this year in particular cause its just been so big. but i love helen.

sunday morning group was insane today. it was the last for the year, possibly the last ever of its kind...didnt feel very sentimental, just felt crazy.
i really like those kids though, even all there crazyness. they make me laugh. more than laugh, ive learnt lots spending time with them. its good stuff is changing but ill sort of miss our crazy jams.

i went to bed just after 10 last night. what an effort. i was bloody tired. i did have 2 brief phone conversations after i had fallen asleep, but continued with my beautiful slumber.
i had to get up at 620 this morning to go to st ives for the craft fair. that hour of the morning just simply does not appeal to me. tomorrow though, im going to sleep in. im excited. been looking forward to tomorrow all week.
and also tomorrow is the christina concert...yay.

Lack of sleep is often a big deal to me.
I think I'm one of those people who needs 8hours a night or something.
when I don't get a sleep in, its like the end of the world, I'm so annoyed. And I hang out for Mondays where I can sleep all day. Its kinda stupid. Its my fault for staying up all night. And the majority of the world gets up before 10 and doesn't complain about it half as much as I. I'm a goose. Oh but I do love sleep.
as I have been up before 8 every day apart from Monday this week, (shock horror!) I have decided to make a week of it and get up and go to pancake breakfast tomorrow morning. it sounds like an anjoyable occasion.
maybe I can learn to cope with arising at an hour regular to most but strange and unknown to I.

I sort of coped at school... Gosh whats it going to be like next year if I'm at tafe and have a job that starts before 1130?

im having a good one.
scripture seminars were alot of fun. having sarah speak was really cool. some of the kids got really into what she was saying. i spoke to a group of yr9 girls wanting to send food and clothes over to romanian orphans. they are always my favourite moments, seeing youth inspried to go do something in their world.
hearing romania stories again was cool, im so glad sarahs around again. its good to be able to talk about it again.
and the candles, they were fun. kids are always funny, some were rather concerned that the homeless people they were to be given to would eat them, or wouldnt have a lighter to light them with. some of the boys were rude. especially yr8 boys. i only had 2 in my small group, and the rest were girls, but they managed to steer the conversations all sorts of places...as they do. but that was mainly cause that was my brothers year and they were his friends.
i really had a good time. i wasnt sure i was going too, i felt super tired and wasted, but it was so worth it. like alot of things this week.

im finding im blogging more and more stuff that doesnt make much sense to anyone reading it. its good for me cause i feel like im keeping a record of stuff. thats all.

huge day
too many things in one day.

went to the first aid course, it all came together amazingly after a number of last minute falling into place things. the course was ok, i have to go finish it off tomorrow and do an exam. we learnt good stuff, i was hoping i would never have to use any of it though.
i met lots of cool people who told me about centacare and offered me work too.
my dad picked me up on his way home from work and took me to the pub. we had a decent converstaion. i think he understood that im not really career oriantated or planning on doing a degree any time soon...
then i went to the pub to work.
crazy busy.
i used my first aid stuff i learnt today - that sucked in lots of ways. it was useful, i think we wouldve been fine if i hadnt done the first aid thingy though.
maria and i hung around and had big not so great disscussions.

now i am faced with a delima. howie found the address to the office place im suposed to be going tomorrow for this first aid course.
in between when i didnt know and when i did know where it was, i realised all the things i needed to get done tomorrow and all the reasons why it was going to have been hard to work this course in.

its not like the course is set up for me, they have them running every so often in their centers for the carers to go and do, they only asked me to go to this one last week, instead of waiting for one in hornsby. and it ends at 5pm...i have to be at the pub at 530...i would definatly not be able to make it by public transport, and chance are id definalty be pushing it in a car too...and i dont know if anyone can give me a lift.

but now i know where it is, i feel bad. its 10 past 12, if im going, i have to get up in 5 and a half hours.


this is my life. i am constantly in situations like this.



ok, so ill wake up and ask my mother if she can pick me up at 5, and ask her how long she reckons it will take to get to the pub...if she says yes, 30mins - then ill get on a bus...if she says no, hours - then ill go back to bed, and leave a message on melodys phone explaining it all.

and next time i will ask for all the details earlier then the night before.

settled.

mmmmmm...

i dont have to get up before 6 for the next to days anymore.
i didnt get an email about the first aid course im meant to be doing till this evening, actually late tonight after i got home from work. and in the email there is no indication of where abouts this place is. it gives me a suburb, but thats it. i cant get in contact with anyone from centrecare, as its late...definatly not office hours, probably sleeping hours for most.
therefore i cant go. as there is not much point me travelling over an hour to some suburb in hope of finding an office.

thats a shame in a way, i was gonna get a nice amount of money for doing my first aid cirtificate, but i think (hope) there will be another one soon.
but its great cause i can sleep to a regular hour tomorrow, clean my room, find my video camera, and go to the foodcourt, and babysit and work at the pub. no worries mate.

argh

im sleepy, not looking forward to getting up before 6 for the next 2 days.

i stayed up way too late watching romania footage last night. i shouldnt have.
i actually said that i would never be able to sit in my loungeroom comfortably again. there i was, last night, sitting in my loungeroom comfortably.
not helping the current mind frame, not at all.

The 1130 bus is always amusing.

tonight a man with a bike wanted to get on the bus, and the bus driver didn't want him too. Seemed to cause a bit of commotion.
I just paid and got on, they continued arguing. Another man started to show his support for the man with the bike. He was rather vocal. He reckoned that cause we lived in Australia he should be allowed to get on, and that we should give him a chance. I reckon he was on a debating team when he was at school.
the bus driver didn't take much notice of the little social activist at the back of the bus, but did eventually give the guy a chance and let him on the bus.

im glad summers here finally.

kara, sarah and i went and had lunch on the beach. oh soo nice. and swimming. first swim for the year i think actually. i think ive become not much of a fan of swimming aswell. i like the beach and pools and other such things, just not so much swimming in them.

but what a good day. even the rain is great. and howies home, we are both in the same city again. thats excellent.