tasmania reception sucks

what a day.

i feel emotional and a bit drained, but good at the same time. mainly a bit blerh.

ask and you will recieve. that sort of shook me up a bit tonight, i wasnt really expecting it. but i think God will provides you with what you need when you need it. im glad God knows me and what i need.

i really enjoyed church this morning. it was a combined service, suposed to be all the congregation, but there werent many from the 630. but either way it was good.
there was a bbq afterwards which was really cool. its good to have that community churchy family thing happening, i enjoy.

So I am home.

that's good and bad. I feel pretty relaxed.

I went on this really good walk on my own the other afternoon. Maybe that's my equivalent on seeing a movie by myself. I don't think I'm that much of an extrovert, I did enjoy spending some time by myself.
it was so beautiful there. The beach just went on and on forever. Awesome biggness, just reminds you of how much is out there and how much is near by.

I didn't do much beaching though. I did have a bit of a sunbake (and I didn't get burnt!!! YAY).
howie called while I was on the beach yesterday I think, and I walked up and down the beach kicking the water with my feet, on my bloody mobile phone. When we went in to port macquaire, I was the first to run off and say id meet up with every one late so I could go find an internet cafe. A pile of my friends and a big shopping centre and I run off to a internet cafe.
I'm a little addicted to my technology.

i think i would much rather be a boy sometimes. things seem to be dealt with much less painfully with boys. maybe thats not true...just my thoughts from the comparision while being away and now home.

down went my webstats...down....down...down

but im home now! everyone come visit again!

its funny how ive forgotten so much detail of the past. i have these general feelings about certain things, but talking about it and reliving things has got my memory going crazy. i have great friends. we have had some great times, some not so great times aswell, but thats to be expected, but it all adds up to something good. combine the bad with the good, and you have to take in to consideration how things were handled and experienced, and something really good comes out of it all.

im liking being on holidays, its just a bit of a bum that there is no internet in the little town we are in. but today, we are in port macquarie getting things pierced. im not, im happy with the amount of piercings i have. so i went for a walk to find maccas and an internet cafe.
i had to catch the train to kempsey from sydney on sunday which wasnt as bad as i expected. i made a friend, she was a crazy lady. she scared me most of the trip but then at the end we chatted, and we both got off at kempsey so we waited for our lifts together and talked about how bad kempsey was, i didnt really know how bad kempsey was, so i just nodded and threw in the occasional comment. she had 2 kids, a 15year old and a 15month old. most of the trip she spent yelling at them, she said some pretty harsh things. the kids didnt seem to be too phased by the whole ordeal. the rest of the train seemed to be getting more and more annoyed. people started moving to other carridges and giving her disapproving looks. it was then she said she had a pair of scissors in her bag and shed cut up anyone who told her to be quiet. i was sitting right in front of her, and i really wished shed be quiet, but i didnt say anything. her youngest kept poking her head over the seat and making faces, that was cute.
rach and some others picked me up from kempsey and we went back to our house. i like our house. i have a nice little section to sleep in. the boys still make it smell a bit, but they are on the other side of the room so it isnt that bad. we stayed up late and were silly. i put on some van and we all danced. that was nice.
since then ive just been sleeping lots. mainly in the day times. night times we stay up late, i watched the godfather the other night, and last night we talked.
its a cute little town, its got a bowling green, a pub, a county club, and a couple of little stores, and its good to get away. im liking that i can have time to myself too. last year was much different.
and its good to spend time with these people again, i havent done that much this year. we all used to be so close. i guess we have all changed alot, and thats just normal. but they are all great still. i never really thought i lived in a christian getto, but i think i moved in without noticing, so its good to get out of the getto.

here we are in an internet cafe on a saturday night.

just reading over that sentance again........oh dear.

but we havent been here all night, we just got here in fact. we saw a stupid film (school of rock) - it was average, went on for some time, wasnt very funny, but it had a feel-good ending. we also ate indian. and stood outside starbucks (i had a hoy chocolate). we messgaed people trying to find out the score for the rugby (thanx brother james). howie, david and i then caught a train...now we are here.

we had fun at the train station too. a nice drunk man chatted to us for some time. he got bitten by a spider. he wanted to show us where it bit him, it wasnt in a place i really wanted to see. he informed us his penis is swallen, and he plays bowls, and some other stuff. he was a little hard to understand. poor man. i happen to be meeting a number of drunk citizens on trains in hornsby recently.

im glad the football is over. i mean its nice to have that patriotic community feeling buzzing round, but its good its all over. i think there are some unhappy chappys walking around at the moment since we lost.

poor kara. i stayed at her house last night and i talked in my sleep and snored lots.
there were a few people at her house last night, so we all sat around and drank wine and ate food and chatted till the early hours.
i feel like im really on holidays now, being sociable and staying up late. gosh.

im going away tomorrow. i havent packed or gone shoping or found someone to babysit for me or got anything prepared. its also my brothers birthday tomorrow.
i reckon i should go home early and get myself organised.

yesterday i decided to embrace the fact that summer is here and i wore a singlet top. i hurt alot now! now i remember all the joys of summer and singlet tops.
ouch i hate sunburn.

Australian idol last night hey. what a party we had.
jane and i were going for shannon, mainly just to be different from everyone else in the room. guys pretty cool too i reckon.
i hadnt watched the show till last night, but i made it, i didnt miss out on being apart of the experience.

sal and i had brunch this morning. french toast and fruit salad with yogurt.
actually today has been all about food. ceaser salad roles, boost juice, maccas chips, fingerbuns. good stuff. a day full of lots of my favourite things.
but brunch, that was fun. it was like breakfast but at a more managable time.

the fusion office is funny. i enjoyed my little visit.
and i met jen. now i know the famous jen.

my "informal chat" with melody from centrecare went splendidly this morning. shes a nice lady. we chatted good.
i like this organisation. i was impressed. they have heaps of training days and support networks for all the carers. if they all they present themselves to be, then they are tops. and its good that im associated with them now, cause they cover lots of areas of community work so next year at tafe, melody said that i could do workplace with them if i wanted. awesome.
so im a paid community worker. cool.
and she said she would put me up for other work apart from hannah and then, if i wanted, i could do group outings and stuff aswell.
im excited.

helen has been reading blogs alot recently. i think its about time she wrote in her own. maybe we should start a petition.
yeah put lots of pressure on her.

oh we love helen.

ill go to the doctor. maybe ill even take some time off work.

I went to maccas after church tonight, I shouldn't have cause its cold and I'm sick but hey, it was fun.
I swore. I said "shitty".
it reminded me of that time when we were in the city filming toobsc and I said "fuck".
very funny. I don't really have an issue with swearing. I don't think its particularly good, and no, it doesn't "build people up", and I do try not to swear too much, but I lack self control around this particular issue at particular times cause I find it hard to make it a big enough deal to bother trying to stop.
that doesn't sound very good.

sunday morning group was not the best this morning, though as tom pointed out, it was not the worst.
it all just seemed a little fuzzy. i kept breaking them into groups, putting them back together, breaking into groups, attempting to talk to them about 1 john.
i keep forgetting to mention to tom what they are suposed to be doing in small groups, which isnt too helpful.

kara and i were talking about what id be like with my own kids one day. at the pub i can be really scary to kids, i dont mean to be, just in certian situations (like carrying 3 boiling hot pastas or something) i have to make sure they arent running under my feet tripping me over. and its just so they dont get hurt. but i seem to scare them alot. with other peoples kids i dont think im scary. just kids at the pub. its not like i have 20mins to sit down and discuss the pros and cons of running under someones feet who is carrying something which has the potential to burn them. jam kids are much better behaved.

i worked yesterday lunch and dinner and todays lunch, and being rather sick, it hasnt done me much good.
people at work were very nice. they understood that i was not well but there was no one else to do the shifts, so they helped me out as much as they could, which was awesome.
i even got a "get better jo" burger. it was yum.

i have the night off work. amazing. im still not sure how i managed that since im only doing 6 shifts and sarahs doing 9...but i offered, and she said she didnt mind. so here i am...friday nights are strange.

im sick

i got my phone bill...$126.68, only $34.26 on sms. thats super. we are both getting much much better.

i have an informal chat with melody from centrecare on tuesday at 10:30, so she might let me mind hannah and some other children and pay me money.

(thats a really stupid time to make an interview in hornsby, but she woke me up, so i wasnt thinking properly)

ok, quick up to datness...

tuesday i worked, babysat and worked. tired

wednesday went to the foodcourt with sarah and kara to have lunch with howie, tom and david. amusing, interesting, funny and enjoyable, they want to come again. i went back to belrose to babysit, then came back to hornsby for dinner at the frenchs, that was crazy night, great and interesting, but crazy.

today, went to work and felt a bit sick, that ive been up all night yukky sick. then back to hornsby - why not? met jane in chatswood, walked back to grandpas place to get the car, went to hornsby, minded hannah. hannah was fun, she did no poos which was great, except for in the bath. she wasnt in the best mood.
then, feeling very tired, howie and i decided to go get some food and then have an early one. didnt really work out that way, but thats ok, good night all the same.
we went to city extra and ate some food. i was bloody hungry. howie blogged, i would have but blogger was down (just for something different). we went walking. looked at the time eventually, and it said 11:27pm...missed my bus. so it turned into a late one.

i reackon sleep is over rated. i could be wrong, im starting to forget what a good nights sleep is like.

i said yes to doing both sunday shifts today...i was going to be strong...but i crumbled. thats the problem with being too friendly with your boss, its too easy for them to make you understand where they are coming from and you feel like you should as there friend help them out, and not as an employee stand up for yourself.
i still say that relationships are more important, which sometimes means things go a little pear shaped. pear shaped can be good, i can enjoy pear shaped. but i shouldnt have any false expectations, if things are going to be pear shaped i shouldnt excpect otherwise.

I have watched 2 Audrey movies today. I only saw breakfast at tiffanys for the first time a couple of weeks ago and since have been hiring more and more Audrey movies.
I saw charade this morning, and thoroughly enjoyed it. She's so funny, quirky and individual, and still so graceful and stunning and glamorous.
and this evening I saw funny face, which was still not as good as breakfast at tiffanys, but I'm starting to think I wont find one that compares. It was good though, I think freds my favourite leading man so far, maybe, he was a bit of an arse at some points. But I did love all the music and dancing, and Paris...oooh I want to go to Paris now, and dance around and sing hello to everyone. What a beautiful film.
just makes you all happy and mushy

i wanted to go and see a film by myself, cause i have not done that before and it sounded like a jolly good idea. so today was the day, i prepared myself mentally and emotionally, and i even begun the walk upto the bus stop.
but alas, i bumped into sarah.
we went to the mall and bought a huge bag of cookies and sat in the sun and chatted for several hours...there leaving no time for jo to see a film on her own.

i feel really sorry for the poor girl at maccas who is always working sunday nights. she always gets stuck with the job of mopping the floors and cleaning up, and we are always in there till after we should be. i try to be nice to her, but i dont think she likes us all very much.
what good christian evangelists are we? pissing off all the maccas staff. i bet they say to their friends "those bloody church people came in again last night, and they wouldnt leave for ages so i had to work late cleaning up."
i reckon maccas staff around the world have bad thoughts of christians cause we all choose to congregate and be silly after closing time in their workplace.
maybe we should wash all their cars, or give them lollies, or ask them for prayer requests?

helens had a birthday today and we went to her party. i directed. lucky alot of the roads in avalon all seem to wind round into the same place, or we would have not gotten where we wanted to go.
i was the youngest in the room, just for something different. i dont really mind. sometimes i feel like a bit of a goose, but to be honest, i dont tend to notice anymore. its not huge age gaps in most cases.
it did dawn on me that howie and jill are the same age.
it was fun. there was a beautiful view and lovely company. i have pretty much spent since 10am to now with the same handful of people if a variety of different locations.
arent sundays just the best? i really love sundays. a bit cause of church, but not completly cause of church, im not sure what else actually, but i do really love my sundays. the walk home from church in the mornings is even good. i dunno. im vibey.

work was busy and silly.
break was good, i saw sarah and we chatted - girly talk
work again was busy and silly
after work helen tom and i went to long reef and talked. i was feeling tired, still am. though it was fun, good fun.

and there i was, just a few days thinking i had worked out what i was doing next year. bum. more thinking and working out for me.

The phrase "oh dear" has began to take over my vocabulary. Its almost as bad as "random" once was...that was really hard to stop saying, i still slip up when im tired. maybe "oh dear" should go soon aswell.

dinner at my fathers...

much less painful then I expected.
bit of drama before we actually got there. With lots of phone calls and transport miss haps and theatrical experiences, we did arrive at my fathers house to eat some dinner. The usual dinner conversation, although much less tense thanx to my comedian of a boyfriend. It was good, like the matrix, much better then I expected.
Lisa did give howie a tour of the house with a torch pointing at all the photos of me on the walls, a little embarrassing.
But we all coped.

matrix revolutions...

most of it was enjoyable, alot of it was really boring. there were a number of bits where i had no idea what was going on as i hadnt really seen much of the other movies, but i did think it was pretty good. better then i expected anyway. the whole thing is very melodramatic, i guess thats the genre, but at times i felt like i was watching the bold and the beautifuls lost in space special or something.
tiredness has hit though. work always seems to be really busy when your tired.
i think it was worth it, it was fun even though not my usual cup of tea.

dinner at my dads tonight. then the matrix. i must say im looking forward to the latter a tad more.

no no it will be fine.

i dont like the matrix. ive only seen the first one and if im honest i didnt really give it full viewing attention. but i reckon itll be fun, i havent seen a movie at 1am before.
i do have to be at work tomorrow at 11...not too bad, ill survive.

Melbourne cup. Lots of people full of lots of alcohol, very messy and rather loud.

the race really does stop everything. We all stopped. We put our saved up tip money on sweepstakes and choose a fun name each. It was a bit stupid really, but we did it anyway. We didn't win anything.

I'm very glad today is over though.

we got lots of tips today too so we went out to dinner after work. Now I feel a bit sick. Ate an inelegant sufficiency.

crazy afternoon really. kara took me down to tafe and then we had lunch and looked over the courses and stuff.
then we went to galaxy world. havent been there in years.
we played air hockey, racing cars, some basketball game...and we won tokens and got a bouncy ball and some braclets each.
rather enjoyable

applying for tafe is a much more involved process then i first imagined...theres a big form with essay questions on it all worth points and stuff. still looks fun.
i was a little confused though, cause the diploma i want to do you need to do a certificate first, and there is a choice of different things you can do it in. another thing i didnt really consider or know much about. so i could do youth work, youth work drug and alcohol rehab or community work...and after i do a year of one of these, i can go into a welfare and community work diploma. it all sounds like a bunch of wishy washy crap to me, but interesting wishy washy crap. i think ill go community work certificate. that looks the funnest.
so i have to fill it out, get references and evidence of stuff ive done and then i can apply and then ill see if i get in.

i decided to go to tafe next year. i was feeling good about this decision and even told some people. i think it was howie that pointed out that i needed to apply...hmmm. i rang them up this morning and my course is one of those courses you need to apply for by last friday...ooops. i never actually thought about practicaly doing something about this decision, but the concert was on on saturday night, so i was a little busy.
but i think its ok, i rang and spoke to a lady and she seemed to think there would be places left. so im going to go to tafe and apply this afternoon.
if i dont get into this course, i think ill just flick through the book and pick one that doesnt need early applications for

i didnt go to church. i fell asleep at 5 and woke up and 830 when barbs came home. i couldve gone to bed again but she needed to use the computer so im awake.
the concert went well, darn well. best ever.
it was a pretty intense day. leadership and personaly wise. but good day. good week and months leading up to it.
the atmosphere was awesome. all the crew and the cast, such a fun togetherness event.
i dont know how much money we raised for refugees. over $500 for the refugee stall thingy, but thats seperate to the ticket sales.
lots of people came who werent church people which was pretty good. if we had had lots of support from church aswell as all these other people rock up, it wouldve been massive.
and the after party, wasnt that cute. i felt like a little kid hanging with all the parents. there not my parents so its ok, but i did hang in the kitchen with the parents of the kids i babysit and other church parents. it was fun. i really really enjoy conversations i have with people my parents age and older, they are often full of good stuff, always interesting.
and jam this morning...well that was an interesting one. the both of us feeling rather buggered. it went well though. bible reading of the week lacked a little energy. all good. breakfast after and conversation.